The last month ( plus some change) of my life has been uneventful to tell the truth. I turned 21 and went to classes and now I work 46 hours a week. So exciting I know. I have been thinking a lot though, which I know is dangerous.
So here goes.
I have realized I am not ready for a boyfriend or relationship or any of that. I need to work on loving myself before I can allow someone else to love me. This is going to be a hard task, because of the hole I have dug for myself, but I put myself in it so it is my job to get myself out. So I have ben trying to do things that make me happy and TRYING not to stress about other people and their views of me. It is a hard habit to kick, but I am working on it. Another thing I have realized is that love does not work. I need to get rid of the idea that it can. Being a hopeless romantic has done nothing, but breed disappointment and sadness. If I become a realist then maybe I won't expect so much from life and maybe then I will be happier. I also have to learn how to live alone, because chances are I will have to do it at some point in my life, and the sooner I do it the sooner I will be comfortable with it.
I have also learned that I should have tried harder in school the last three years so that graduate school could have been an option for me. Although I would have to find a field that interests me enough to pursue a career in it in order to find a good grad school. Oh well. I guess I will just have to kick ass this next year in order to keep that door open.
On a happier note, it is summer.
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